I would go down on you faster than GM stock
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
