just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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