he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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