Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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