i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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