I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
