Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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