Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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