so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
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