I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
