Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
