I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize