So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
