So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
