Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
