Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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