Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
