He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
My dick has a subreddit
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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