I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
