Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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