Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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