I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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