It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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