I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
