Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
