Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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