So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
