I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
