Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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