Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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