we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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