Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
