AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
