My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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