4 words: hood of his car
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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