You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
