Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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