He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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