Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
So vagazzling was a success
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize