He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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