dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
