Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
