just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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