forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
it's like iHOP with fire
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
