im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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