he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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