I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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