How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
