Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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