I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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