My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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