Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize