I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
