I wanna bring you to show and tell
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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