I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
