gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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