My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
