like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
