This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize