Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
