Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Your penis caused this!
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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