I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
