I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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