I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
