so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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