I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
