I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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