Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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