Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
