There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
