wrigley field is MILF paradise
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Randomize
