big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
We got so high we made milksteak
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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