i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize