i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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