I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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