yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize