can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
