All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
operation have a gay friend backfired
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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