My friends, they love my intelligence
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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