i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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