when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
