I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
