I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
it was like eating out sand paper
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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