trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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