not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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