there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
