who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize