Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
The struggles of a small town man whore
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
