Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
