I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
