dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
